but take delight in it’s sweet

because love is a vicious beast
and she damn sure got the best of you
and not even the mirror can reflect the ugliness you’ve shown me
and everybody thinks i’m just being a bit too sensitive
maybe a tad imaginative
as if they can’t see your thumb prints in my back
and your foot prints at the edge of the cliff

your neck entangled in the rope that dangles from my waistline

maybe i should loosen up a tad

because when you go down I follow suit

I carry on my tab

People say that they see pain in my eyes when I speak of u

claim they can hear me suffocating in between the lines I whisper into the thin air that surrounds my flesh

My guess is that they’ve witness the way you nailed me to your cross and crucified my spirit

they can hear it in my silence… your love

is toxic

yet I crave your poison like it’s the very air I breathe

so, they claim to hear me suffocating

and I say its just u defecating your worthless word into my lungs

they are empty and unsavory

so my friends make attempts to save me from…

myself, But I know it isn’t me that’s the foe

So I go… to stand at the cusp of it all

I’ve told them before
“the edge aint a pretty place to be when your enemy is in your blind spot”
Some categorize me as a liar until the red-handed mothaf!cka is caught

So I go… Alone,

at least that feels safer than your crowded home

A million faces behind your wicked smile
And not one can convince me that i’m welcomed here

there’s a welcome mat at the door…
but it reads LIVED…. backwards and that’s all
I’ve done since i arrived here
false progression and lies untold
Yet, I’ve watched the way your stories unfold
and they always end with some sort of defamation of my character
and someone’s always lying on you
and somethings always bothering you
and somehow trouble always finds you
even when you’re hiding from this life you live
You LIVED
backwards….
for so long…
so now my forward motion hates you
but the dyslexic retard that calls itself my heart
wants so badly to believe it you
that it sabotages my thoughts
and by the time the infected blood reaches my outer limbs,
every single cell in my body is convinced that it needs you…
and there’s no way to get away
no way but the grave…

so i go…
And play charades with Razor blades
Let them cut into me the way you do every time put on your act
Pretend to be a river and let it all flow out of me
Splash on to the pages
Let the blood erase the waste that you’ve created
Replaced this empty carcass with a memory of all that I once was…
“I am the greatest poem she’s ever wrote… “
I am this love

unconditional and never expecting
The only piece she’ll never repeat
These words are never again to escape my lips
At least not in this relationship
Standing here at the edge of sanity’s cliff
And the only rope that holds me

is hanging by a thread

U’ve decided to use to hang yourself with
So I go….
into this beautiful death…
before she tries to save me from myself.

I kinda rolled out of yesterday and fell into this bullshit

where did we go wrong

just last week I remember being lost in a love song

now I’m just lost

and the last place i remember myself being

was in whatever place I was before I fell for you

I’ve been sleep walking…

your veil of deceit covering my face

eyes blinded by the light the exudes the fire behind your soul

you were never good for me

burned me… literally

I have a feeling…

a feeling that I’m gonna write a poem about you

heard the devil singing a song about you

repetitious in my subconscious

it was said…you were sent here to destroy my soul

but my spirit just couldn’t see the destruction in your eyes

heart couldn’t ignite the fuel that fired up your lies

so I doused them out with confusion

wrapped a blanket around me and ran right into your inferno

one day…you’ll be the death of me…

or at least the death of my emotions

I was sleep walking…lying next to you, while you lied to me

while you lied to the others about

you said you loved me…

you said you loved me…

before I could even wrap my mind around the thought of spending my life with you

you said that shit first…

you started it

and I’ve shouldve known better than to put my heart in this

too many secrets kept

too many others before me wept

never knew the destruction you held in the palm of your hands

until you slapped me in the face with it…

What kinda man are you…

thats, if you’re a man at all.

You personified every single demon that I have ever tried to escape

you lacked faith

lacked fidelity

lacked integrity

you burned me… completely

now I’m just a pile of ashes that you get a kick out of blowing away

and I felt every thing you did

while trying to watch the things you say

you say you love me… to death

…and you did.

You loved the very life out of me

loved your way into other women’s lives

while you laid next to me snoring out lullabies

this is bullshit

I can’t even sleep without you…

never went a day without missing you…

even missed you while you slept

smiled for you even when my heart wept

kept myself locked in your Pandora’s box…until she let it all out

and there you go

poker face staring straight into my soul

pouring out your vile venom

burning images into my mind of this man…

This man that would never do such things.

This man that laid with his so called enemy

while sending my phone calls to voicemail

had the nerve to make me feel bad about figuring you out…

I fell for that shit

fell into this bottomless pit

praying that you’d rescue me from who you really are

but you didn’t… instead, you proclaimed how sorry you were

and how you couldn’t do anything about it now but you wished u could

watch me cry until my entire spirit went dry

I knew you were the cause of my insomnia

and still I couldn’t sleep without you

still wanted to lie next to you and all your lies

listened to you snore out lullabies

while my eyes burned

you burned me… entirely

and now I’m just a pile of ashes that you can’t wait to sweep away

throw me out of the window to float off into the wind

all the while you put on your poker face so that you can love to death again

you’ve sucked the very life out of me…

and I haven’t slept in 3 days…

haven’t been able to get rid of this stomach ache

cried myself into insomnia every night since last Sunday…

on the verge of rage…

sitting at the cusp of disaster…

flirting with suicidal thoughts…

dangling my feelings over this fire you’ve created in the middle of my universe…

I hope it burns enough to wake me up

and I… I didn’t wake up this morning

I died while sleepwalking

They say in order to time travel one must move at the speed of light,
So I’ve been harvesting light to erase memories
praying that by the time night falls,
I’m chest deep in oblivion
Sky high on daydreams
There’s no place in time for people like me
Existing in an alternate reality
I believe in the clearly preposterous
accept the unacceptable
speak the unthinkable…
Some call it taboo
I call it ‘indigo calling turquoise, blue’
They may tell you stories of my actions
but their words, clearly untrue…
Intentionally me
On the surface, dysfunctional…
but inside,
a well oiled machine
I do what has always worked for me…
Adapt
And my only constant, is change…
what maybe works for me tomorrow
definitely wont work today
I’ve harnessed many full moons and turned them into milestones
I lay awake next to my window,
harvesting light
maybe I’ll get some rest tonight
when the moon is full & luminous & highly hung…
I can pretend I’m daydreaming, blinded by the sun.
Why are there not enough hours in a day?
no one can erase memories in the dark,
what’s the point time travel if the memories stay the same
why run away from memories if u can’t get away from the faces or names
For some reason I find that even light-speed isn’t fast enough
when ur running from the past
Or am I chasing dreams?
.
..
…
….I have forgotten where I’m going,
Somewhere

lost
in
between

I spend my days traveling through time aimlessly
doing all I can to alter memories
I must be here & there in between blinks
Idle enough to access oblivion
yet too busy to think
I close my eyes for a few moments
just to reassure the sunlight can save me from the darkness the haunts my dreams
but then night falls,
and I get stuck here

in reality…
where time travel is just a daydream
and memories remind me of why daydreams turn into nightmares in my sleep

I imagine vividly

Running my fingers through your locks…

Whispering in your, softly

Then…

Massaging your shoulders carefully then…

Kissing your neck, softly

How sweet is that?

And…

Tell me if I’m dreaming this inaccurately

But I picture you erect,

And yes, I’m wet….

Because you & me in my dream merged passionately

See…

I whisper in your ear sweet nothings

Moans that speak of how much I desire you

And even though were not undressed yet

I am tracing your most vulnerable places with my tongue

Simply by speaking my thoughts to you…

How’s that?

Speaking in tongues

Can we kiss, with our tongues?

Mouth wide,

Breathing deep

Body language,

My eyes telling you all that I want us to do

Funny how,

Up to this time it’s been your demeanor that’s drawn me to you

Now it’s your hands…

This attraction, something I’ll never fully understand

But it’s happening again,

I’m naughty day dreaming again…

Imagination is sweet…

I wonder how slow, how intense, how deep…

And how I anticipate putting you to sleep…

Lying flesh to flesh, underneath passion drenched sheets

Can you imagine me?

There’s something funny about lust, unabashed

When its good, you can’t really feel bad…

Watching yourself seduce me, just how I wanted you to

You…seem know my body,

You fit me to the “T”… in my dream

You provoke a charm in me, one I’ve never seen…

Smile for me…

Can imagine me…

Undress me, slowly

Kiss me on the back of my neck while your palms warm my breast

While I search for the warmest spot on your body, then begin to caress…

I picture u erect…

And, really, the only word I have to say is “yes”

Because u & me in my dream kissed so passionately

This is what it’s like…

Like tracing your lips with my tongue…

It leaves me soaking wet

I’m thoroughly satisfied and we haven’t even merged yet

Just talk to me…

Speak and…

Subconsciously I am inhaling you, waiting for you to take my breath away

Waiting to exhale

I hold my breath,

Guide you into the depths of me,

Then i begin to breathe…

Then I begin to cream

Then I begin to scream

Then you start going deep…

In, out, in, out, kissing you in between each slow and steady stroke

Can you imagine me?

In my naughty little daydream,

I feel like a canvas

And you are an artist, painting me in body heat

And every time I climax, I see a new color being created

We made bliss in every shade

Played me in every key imaginable

The music you make with me

From falsetto to staccato

It’s this rhythm… never blues…

You’ve got jazz in your swag, I can tell

Got me feeling so “Nina Simone” I’m putting on spells

Can’t even imagine what it all means,

I’m carefree…

Really, I’m fine with just the daydreams; In exchange for getting you alone…

No need to play hard to get, I’m a big girl and you’re grown

I really want nothing more than a simply face to face conversation with you

To provide your eyes a better view

…Of what I’m like when I smile

We share common ground in between a distance of hundreds of miles

Imagine that…

What more could one ask for, than a friend?

Damn,

Then there I go naughty daydreaming again… J

I’m dying for a sweet rescue

Or even a bittersweet interlude

A mere get away from everyday… or possibly a trip outside of me

Somewhere that memory is nonexistent

A hideout

A place breathe easily

Can I have a place to call my own?

Or someone that cares about the things I tend to care too much about

A friend, a companion, a lover, a kindred soul

It’s lonely in here

And my head is always clouded with sky residue

Too much staring into space has it’s downsides… just a few

I want to fly away

Or even if I can’t fly,

can I crawl into oblivion?

Can something swing me into the bright side of the sun

The dark side of the moon

Something in me tends to gravitate to the dry spot in a monsoon

Impossible, inevitable me

Has never quite found my way around this place

So I’m dying for a tiny piece of escape

Bi-Polar Manic Clementine

Witnessed eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

Managed to be bitter and sweet at the same time…

Why is that I’m ridiculed for mimicking that notion?

Emotional, melancholy me

Praying to touch a corner of heaven in my sleep

Sleep imitates death, the closest thing to heaven on Earth, for me

And Living isn’t safe…

I’m dying for the little peace of escape

A merge of insanity and bliss, I want to be right in the middle of it

On the verge of death, at the cusp of life

That’s walking dead feels like

I’m dying for a sweet rescue

Or even a bittersweet interlude

A mere get away from everyday… or possibly a trip outside of me

Somewhere that memory is nonexistent

Maybe I’ll die in my sleep in the middle of this dream

I

Just

Can’t…

Breathe…

I wish that I could undo the past,
but what would I be with out it?
What would be my excuse?
Often times wondering whether my solemn memory is my burden to bare…
or my muse…

I create acid in between gaps of time,
so that it burns when I try to go back
So many unanswered calls,
So many unspoken apologies,
Even more reasons of why it should have never hurt so bad in the first place.

The truth is,
I really want to change things
and when it becomes to heavy,
I want even more to forget.
But forgetting is uncanny…
some memories can be bittersweet, I’ll say.
Others are simply “horrible little pieces of time that you wish you could burn away”

And every time I look back, it burns
so I just move forward…
with out excuse
with out explanation
with out apology
with out being forgiven… Just afraid that you might forget.
Now & Then…

I couldn’t taste him…
Couldn’t feel him

Held away in captivity,
I could only express to you in print what it tasted like to be free
Robbed of simple indulgences
Like,
Feeling my hair brush against your face in the wind
Invading my space again…

Fingers caressing my waist

Lips soft on the nape of my neck
Wreckless in lust,
I missed that feeling
See, we never experienced endless love

Fell in love with invisible, Longing for what did not physically exist
You were snatched away before the next dawn of the day
Too soon to love, too late to miss
My heart grew found of you quickly
Missing you too much was how I loved you…

In between the lines of every letter should’ve lied the truth,
But really,
What was the truth anyway?
I would’ve loved you with or without strings, because you just possessed this funny magnetism
Drawn to your sweet poisonous rapture
Who would’ve known that love so strong, so soon would ruin me?

I fell in love with invisible
I couldn’t see him
I couldn’t touch him…
But my God… I felt him… oh my, how I felt him so deeply

Something that I couldn’t see… only imagine,
Something that I couldn’t fathom ever really having
So just dreaming it up was enough for me?
Coloring you impeccable was so silly of me — but my heart sensed you perfect
And every time I cracked a smile in your perfect little world
Made the every single flaw seem worth it…

But was it really worth “this”?
In love with invisible…